I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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