i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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