Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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