butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
