Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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