I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
