Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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