I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
