All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
