I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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