I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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