I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
