recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
