oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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