omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
