I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love having hate sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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