Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
