Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
