I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Panties = found
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
