i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
