I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
