worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize