I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize