dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
