Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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