i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
