I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
