I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
