ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
