Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
