I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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