All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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