I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
