Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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