Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
