First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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