So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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