Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
