how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
