My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
