I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
