Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
