It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
