my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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