Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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