Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His nipple licking is glorious
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