Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Still dying that you shit outside
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
