so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
