He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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