smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
