Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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