dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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