dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
