Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
