just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
