I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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