Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
