idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.