her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
