I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
