Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
