how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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