it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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