tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
