We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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