hotel room ftw
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
