Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
