I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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