No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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