Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
