looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
