I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
