how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dick has a subreddit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
