this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
