a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
