I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
