if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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