Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
