Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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