If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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