I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
