3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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