Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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