I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
