she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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