I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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