I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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